This recipe is called “Put Things in the Rice Cooker and Hope it Ends Up Tasting Good”

I’m not a chef. That’s usually OK because Trader Joe’s sells frozen food and I have a microwave. However, I have discovered this easily customizable recipe which ANYONE can make! The proof I have is that I can make it, and when it comes to culinary preparation I am a good stand in for “anyone”. 

You just need a rice cooker. You don’t need one of the fancy ones that, like, cooks at a different temperature based on the chemical solution of the soil in which the rice was grown or anything. Just one with an On/Off switch. And a cord with a plug on it. And a wall socket. You need electricity is what I mean.

Ingredients:

Rice

Or whatever

And then anything else you think might taste good with the other stuff you have

Preparation:

1. Put some rice or whatever in the rice cooker.

2. Add water or vegetable stock. Usually it’s something like a 2/1 ratio of liquid to rice, but it depends on how much other stuff you’re putting in there.

3. Now it’s time to put the other stuff in. Did you get long-grain rice? Maybe throw in a can of black beans, or some chopped tomatoes. Or go crazy and add BOTH. Did you get Japanese white rice? Mmm, that might taste good with some mushrooms and some ponzu sauce, perhaps some sesame seeds? Do you have tofu lying around? Maybe chop some of that and throw it in there too. Or any other vegetables you have. And spices! I bet you have spices and some of them would taste good with the other stuff you have in there. If you’re like me you can guess (“Paprika? Sure, why not!”) or if you actually know what you’re doing you can choose more cautiously (“A human who would put paprika in this dish is a ninny who deserves what they get.”)

4. Keep putting stuff in until you think it will probably taste good or you get bored.

5. Turn the rice cooker on. It will now cook whatever you put in there. Many people believe the rice cooker will revolt and refuse to cook things that aren’t rice. “I am a rice cooker,” it will say, “And I was not designed for any of this spinachy nonsense! Fill me with rice and rice alone.” This is wrong for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it just steams stuff until the internal temperature of the rice cooker goes above the boiling point of water; rice is not essential. Secondly, it’s a rice cooker, and rice cookers can’t talk.

6. Is it done yet? Probably not because this can take a frustratingly long time. Don’t try this when you’re hungry.

7. OK, it’s done.

8. Try some of it. Does it taste good? Well done! If not, try again next time with other stuff.

Serves 0 (if it’s bad) - However many people want some (portion size will vary).

Enjoy!